My where the years have gone...

Its been a while since I updated.. A really.long.while. Like, I've had a whole other baby long while...

Brycen Maddox Kastner was born on 8/8 at 12:44 a.m. I feel like it was just yesterday, but my sweet boy is already almost 3 months old!!!!!! He smiles, he laughs, he rolls over from tummy to back.. He's all full of tricks! He is still very much like a newborn though, still very wobbly holding his head up, still sleeps alllllll the time, not very much eye contact.. He was 5 weeks early, so i'm sure that plays a part in it :)

Bryleigh and Brooklynn have spent their days trying to discover what else they can get into :) They have turned into quite the little team. When they arent fighting, they are very quietly working together to deviate a plan that will cause mommy the biggest heart attack. I really think that they put a lot of thought into their plans. Like stacking boxes on top of each other so that they can reach the top of the kitchen counter, to get the cookie jar, regardless of how the cookie jar comes down, and cracks, they will get the cookies, together. Eh, at least they are learning teamwork right?
Brooklynn is talking a lot now. Pretty good sentences. I cant believe she will be 2 in December! The time really does fly by.
Bryleigh never stops talking. She talks like shes 15. ME- "Bryleigh its time to take a nap" her -"Umm, no thanks"....ho hum...

Our lives are about to change drastically. We are only a few months away from moving back to Virginia. Hubby took orders to the Eisenhower, which is in Norfolk. I am thrilled. I am sad for deployments, but other than that, i am THRILLED. I cant wait to buy our new house in January. I cant wait to see the last box go into the moving truck. I cant wait to get in that car and honk the horn when we are cross the state line and smile because I know that I dont have to return to Missouri in a week, or a year. or um, ever? maybe.

I am excited for these new things to come..

Well, its time to go, Today we are going to build a pink space ship out of LEGOS! The joys of being a mommy :)

Move over Duggars!

Well, here I am... pregnant again.

I hear a lot from people about how we are crazy, or how we will have our hands full, or even one person said we were "ambitious".... Call it as you may- but we call it blessed. We are thrilled, and are so thankful about the fact that in 7 months we will have another precious, beautiful little baby in our home.

Ever since I was a little girl I dreamed of a big family. No we dont want 10 kids, but 3 or 4 kids- that sounds like a lot of fun :) What I think is crazy, is waiting until my kids are in school before having another one. I LOVE them close together, it works for us. I LOVE the fact that I am still finishing my degrees, and that I will get to stay home with new baby for its first year of life. I LOVE the fact that Wes wont have to go on deployments for its first year of life. Quite frankly, the timing for our family couldnt have been much better.

Another reaction that I get a lot is "I HOPE ITS A BOY"... For those of you who have all the same gender children, you probably also heard this a lot. I'll be honest, I will probably smile at you when i hear that reaction, or say thanks, or something else, but what i'm thinking is this---

there is a baby in my tummy. God has already decided if that baby is a boy or a girl... I want THAT baby. Its gender is one of the least important things to me. I dont know, i guess when you are a mother you understand... I love that I was able to give Bryleigh something I always wanted, a sister. And you better believe if i am able to give both of my girls TWO best friends- how lucky will they be to have that?! So three girls, or two girls and a boy- whichever...

I dont know.... i guess to me when someone says they hope its a boy- I always think about people saying they hoped brooklynn was a boy. So the baby I had, is that not the one people hoped for? Because Brooklynn has been the sweetest, easiest, most adorable little girl I have ever known. So anyways, whichever gender I get will be the gender I want... because thats the baby I love :)

Long weekend..

I really enjoyed the last 3 days. Wes was actually home with us for 3 DAYS STRAIGHT!!! Crazy.. We are used to only getting 1 day a week with him, so that was a nice treat! We tried to use all the time we could just laughing and playing and having fun with our babies. We went "simming in de poo" as bryleigh calls it... She is such a water baby. The YMCA that is about 30 minutes away from us has this extremely nice indoor waterpark with a lazy river, slide, little beach for toddlers and everything! so much fun! Bryleigh loves that she can play in the beach part and not have to be held or in a float. She loves "splash splashing" and then swimming around the lazy river while i hold her hands and she kicks her feet as hard as she can.

Saturday night we went to a harvest party at some of wes' old friends that he grew up with house. There was a lot of food and a hay ride. Bryleigh loved the hay ride, Brooklynn however, didn't.... She cried, and cried, and cried... And just when i thought it was coming to an end, they said they were going to go for 20 more minutes. I thought I was going to cry. I do not like when my babies cry. Especially Brooklynn... Not because I love her any more than Bryleigh, she is just my easy baby... She does not cry...ever... Which is why I think we have such a hard time when she is upset. She is such an easy baby, that we never have to really soothe her from being so upset... Of course we give her snuggles and rock her and cuddle her every chance we get, but its rarely to try to calm her down... So when she is upset, shes really upset.. and she wants nothing lol. She just wants to cry. which like i said, is rare... like once a year.. lol

Then last night was of course, halloween... I didnt let wes see it, but i definitely shed a few tears when Bryleigh went up to her first house, knocked, and so proudly stuck her pumpkin bucket out for some candy... It was one of those bittersweet moments and I was such a proud mommy of my adorable little monkey. But it never failed that at every house we went to when i told the candy giver thankyou, Bryleigh loudly yelled "YOUR WELCOME!"

And there was the few times that when Bryleigh got to the persons door she was trying to give some of her candy to them... and she got very upset when the person at the door would not take her candy from her.... oh my child.. my sweet sweet girl.

I dont feel like putting up pictures, but I have some really cute ones to put up... Those can wait til tomorrow... I'm going night night!

super mom

I like to think or should i say.. pretend... sometimes that I'm supermom.. that i can get it all done. I try to tell myself so that maybe if i tell myself enough ill convince myself and become, indeed, supermom...

I wish I was the mom whose house stayed spotless, laundry stayed done AND folded AND put away, dinner was always ready at dinner time with the dishes already in the dishwasher, special learning activities already planned for the next day, happy kids all the time...... but im not...

i'm the car has old cookies on the floor board, crums in my purse from who knows what's snack from who knows when, try to plan activities but they often fail, my kids wear pajamas all the time because we go no where, kind of mom...

I am having one of those nights tonight where I want to be home.. in virginia. Virginia would make things so much better. Not virginia as the place, but virginia as the people. I have such a wonderful support system in virginia. So many people there ready and willing to help me, so many people that see my struggles and would be there in a second to lend a helping hand, or a quick pick me up... my troops..

I have these kind of nights when i start to feel overwhelmed. When the laundry gets too high, the kitchen is a mess from dinner, the toys are scattered everywhere, homework is so piled up that i dont even know where to begin... i get so overwhelmed that i shutdown...

Wes works so much that every chance i get i use it to just be lazy.. I steal minutes here and there that i should put towards doing a little of this thats productive and a little of that... and instead i use it to just lay in the silence..

I count down the months until its time to go back... once we hit the 1 year left point i will start counting down the days.

I cant wait til i can take my kids to my aunt Julies for a playdate with Isaac,

or to go to my cousin stacy's house and just have a nice long talk with her about the latest gymboree line while our kids play who knows what..

. I cant wait to have a night where I am sad, and call cecily to get in the car with me and go out for a drive to the beach at 2 a.m. ,

Or to be able to call Amy just to go get our nails done, or do dinner just because...

I cant wait to have my mom so excitedly and willingly beg us to let her have the girls for the weekend

I cant wait to be able to go drop by my aunt barbaras unexpected just because, and always know that I am welcome there..

I cant wait to snuggle and kiss my new niece that I havent got to meet yet..

I cant wait to sit on the beach with my husband late at night just looking at the stars and talking about all our goals and dreams..

I cant wait for my girls to start little league the same place that I played at for 13 years...

I cant wait to eat at Kyotos.. oh how i long for some kyotos..

I cant wait to go to the place where there is so much love.. so many people that love my babies.. so many people...

I know life will get hard there too. I know that once we get back to virginia means deployments for wes... But the deployments dont worry me, because I know everything will be okay. I know that I have so much family there that will be there for me through those deployments.. Family that will be so excited when we get home. Thats a good feeling.


Supermom doesnt get overwhelmed.. super mom never needs people.. supermom wants to be around her darling kids 24/7 and always has a smile on her face when she does it..


Sorry for my big long rant.. Having no one to talk to out here is kinda a tough thing.. I guess I feel like my blog is my therapy session, my chance to talk to somebody, anybody.. even if the blog doesnt respond.

terrible twos..

Lifes not always rainbows and butterflies... Sometimes its temper tantrums, half eaten cookies in the couch cushions, laundry pilled up to the ceiling, down right madness..

The toddler tantrums have really been getting to me lately. Bryleigh is such a strong willed child.. She always has been... seriously.. since birth.. (see picture --> )

Bryleigh takes a "my way or the highway" approach at life... She thinks she rules this house, and there is nobody that can tell her different.

I blame myself. I try and try to be consistent with her. I. try. so. hard. She thinks that everything is hers. If I have a drink, she tries to snatch it while yelling "ITS MINE!" or "NO NO MOMMA ITS MINE".... Then I put my drink back on the table out of her reach, and tell her that is not nice, and she does her very angry whiney voice until she finds something else to get into...

I feel like lately I cant do anything with her that is fun because she just gets mad... I feel like if i plan an activity, where its just her and I doing something special, the majority of the time I am getting on her about her attitude...

I know this is part of having a toddler.. I know that this is going to be the hardest toddler I probably will ever deal with.. I know that my sweet sweet Brooklynn does not have this same attitude so that gives me some hope that I wont have to go through this twice.. I know that Bryleigh is extremely intelligent, and I think that plays a part in her extreme desire for control... (I see her and Brooklynn being very much like pinky and the brain one day)...












I know that everything will work out.. And I know that I love Bryleigh so much for who she is, strong willed, independent, free spirited and all...


Even though my toddler throws tantrums.... I often find cookies in the couch cushions, and sometimes laundry gets piled up very high.... sometimes, life is rainbows and butterflies...



(Bryleigh picked out this outfit) and decided the skirt looked really nice over her head...

Today my girl..

I had a paper to write today so the girls spent a few hours at Aunt Cheyannes... As nice as it is to have someone to call on when I need the time to do something, there never seems to be enough time to get it all done.. But I am learning slowly that being a mom isnt about getting EVERYTHING done on time. Being a mom means sometimes putting work aside and sometimes missing deadlines, to make sure that your kids get your undivided attention. Just because I am trying to finish school, I dont want their few years of me being at home to be remembered as late nights writing papers, or stressing about the laundry.. I want it to be remembered for all the good times we had, the things we did together, the time we spent....




When the girls got home, Brooklynn was ready for a nap so that gave mommy and Bryleigh some time together. I think she enjoys this special time. She acts like she doesnt like to have her picture taken, but I think deep down she loves the extra attention.




This is her "sweet, I just got busted" face... She is not supposed to be in this cabinet. She knows that this cabinet holds the machines that change the channel to the TV, so if something is on other than Elmo or Caillou, she immediately goes for it..


Bryleigh is starting to really like her puzzles. I love to hear her say all their names... Zebra, Buppo (Hippo lol), giraffe, Bors (bears).... I am trying to teach her to be patient and take her time when she tries to force them into the holes... Thats easier said than done with a 1 year old!



And finally.... I just thought these were cute...

I want...

I have been doing a lot of reading lately.. crafts, cooking, baking, loving...

I am inspired.

I want to be the kind of mom that goes the extra mile to do the fun things with her kids. To build those memories for them, to teach them, to love them with every thing I have.

I want to constantly improve my bond with my girls. I want them to have fun, to really enjoy their childhood. I want to give them not only memories in their minds, but memories through photography, and my writings..

I want them to be close. Sisters who are best friends. I dream of them having conversations one day with each other complaining about their husbands, or sharing recipes. Calling each other at 3am for advice about something that really doesnt matter. Being there holding the others hand when they are having their first child. Standing next to them at the Alter holding their bouquet while they marry their prince charming...

Thank you God for giving me TWO daughters. Thank you for that amazing gift that you have given each of them, a sister. Thank you for teaching me to love with everything that I have, so that they may also learn how to love. Thank you for the opportunity to raise such sweet, perfect, beautiful little girls.