I make babies, whats your superpower?

Thursday, October 28, 2010

super mom

I like to think or should i say.. pretend... sometimes that I'm supermom.. that i can get it all done. I try to tell myself so that maybe if i tell myself enough ill convince myself and become, indeed, supermom...

I wish I was the mom whose house stayed spotless, laundry stayed done AND folded AND put away, dinner was always ready at dinner time with the dishes already in the dishwasher, special learning activities already planned for the next day, happy kids all the time...... but im not...

i'm the car has old cookies on the floor board, crums in my purse from who knows what's snack from who knows when, try to plan activities but they often fail, my kids wear pajamas all the time because we go no where, kind of mom...

I am having one of those nights tonight where I want to be home.. in virginia. Virginia would make things so much better. Not virginia as the place, but virginia as the people. I have such a wonderful support system in virginia. So many people there ready and willing to help me, so many people that see my struggles and would be there in a second to lend a helping hand, or a quick pick me up... my troops..

I have these kind of nights when i start to feel overwhelmed. When the laundry gets too high, the kitchen is a mess from dinner, the toys are scattered everywhere, homework is so piled up that i dont even know where to begin... i get so overwhelmed that i shutdown...

Wes works so much that every chance i get i use it to just be lazy.. I steal minutes here and there that i should put towards doing a little of this thats productive and a little of that... and instead i use it to just lay in the silence..

I count down the months until its time to go back... once we hit the 1 year left point i will start counting down the days.

I cant wait til i can take my kids to my aunt Julies for a playdate with Isaac,

or to go to my cousin stacy's house and just have a nice long talk with her about the latest gymboree line while our kids play who knows what..

. I cant wait to have a night where I am sad, and call cecily to get in the car with me and go out for a drive to the beach at 2 a.m. ,

Or to be able to call Amy just to go get our nails done, or do dinner just because...

I cant wait to have my mom so excitedly and willingly beg us to let her have the girls for the weekend

I cant wait to be able to go drop by my aunt barbaras unexpected just because, and always know that I am welcome there..

I cant wait to snuggle and kiss my new niece that I havent got to meet yet..

I cant wait to sit on the beach with my husband late at night just looking at the stars and talking about all our goals and dreams..

I cant wait for my girls to start little league the same place that I played at for 13 years...

I cant wait to eat at Kyotos.. oh how i long for some kyotos..

I cant wait to go to the place where there is so much love.. so many people that love my babies.. so many people...

I know life will get hard there too. I know that once we get back to virginia means deployments for wes... But the deployments dont worry me, because I know everything will be okay. I know that I have so much family there that will be there for me through those deployments.. Family that will be so excited when we get home. Thats a good feeling.

Supermom doesnt get overwhelmed.. super mom never needs people.. supermom wants to be around her darling kids 24/7 and always has a smile on her face when she does it..

Sorry for my big long rant.. Having no one to talk to out here is kinda a tough thing.. I guess I feel like my blog is my therapy session, my chance to talk to somebody, anybody.. even if the blog doesnt respond.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

terrible twos..

Lifes not always rainbows and butterflies... Sometimes its temper tantrums, half eaten cookies in the couch cushions, laundry pilled up to the ceiling, down right madness..

The toddler tantrums have really been getting to me lately. Bryleigh is such a strong willed child.. She always has been... seriously.. since birth.. (see picture --> )

Bryleigh takes a "my way or the highway" approach at life... She thinks she rules this house, and there is nobody that can tell her different.

I blame myself. I try and try to be consistent with her. I. try. so. hard. She thinks that everything is hers. If I have a drink, she tries to snatch it while yelling "ITS MINE!" or "NO NO MOMMA ITS MINE".... Then I put my drink back on the table out of her reach, and tell her that is not nice, and she does her very angry whiney voice until she finds something else to get into...

I feel like lately I cant do anything with her that is fun because she just gets mad... I feel like if i plan an activity, where its just her and I doing something special, the majority of the time I am getting on her about her attitude...

I know this is part of having a toddler.. I know that this is going to be the hardest toddler I probably will ever deal with.. I know that my sweet sweet Brooklynn does not have this same attitude so that gives me some hope that I wont have to go through this twice.. I know that Bryleigh is extremely intelligent, and I think that plays a part in her extreme desire for control... (I see her and Brooklynn being very much like pinky and the brain one day)...

I know that everything will work out.. And I know that I love Bryleigh so much for who she is, strong willed, independent, free spirited and all...

Even though my toddler throws tantrums.... I often find cookies in the couch cushions, and sometimes laundry gets piled up very high.... sometimes, life is rainbows and butterflies...

(Bryleigh picked out this outfit) and decided the skirt looked really nice over her head...

Monday, October 25, 2010

Today my girl..

I had a paper to write today so the girls spent a few hours at Aunt Cheyannes... As nice as it is to have someone to call on when I need the time to do something, there never seems to be enough time to get it all done.. But I am learning slowly that being a mom isnt about getting EVERYTHING done on time. Being a mom means sometimes putting work aside and sometimes missing deadlines, to make sure that your kids get your undivided attention. Just because I am trying to finish school, I dont want their few years of me being at home to be remembered as late nights writing papers, or stressing about the laundry.. I want it to be remembered for all the good times we had, the things we did together, the time we spent....

When the girls got home, Brooklynn was ready for a nap so that gave mommy and Bryleigh some time together. I think she enjoys this special time. She acts like she doesnt like to have her picture taken, but I think deep down she loves the extra attention.

This is her "sweet, I just got busted" face... She is not supposed to be in this cabinet. She knows that this cabinet holds the machines that change the channel to the TV, so if something is on other than Elmo or Caillou, she immediately goes for it..

Bryleigh is starting to really like her puzzles. I love to hear her say all their names... Zebra, Buppo (Hippo lol), giraffe, Bors (bears).... I am trying to teach her to be patient and take her time when she tries to force them into the holes... Thats easier said than done with a 1 year old!

And finally.... I just thought these were cute...

I want...

I have been doing a lot of reading lately.. crafts, cooking, baking, loving...

I am inspired.

I want to be the kind of mom that goes the extra mile to do the fun things with her kids. To build those memories for them, to teach them, to love them with every thing I have.

I want to constantly improve my bond with my girls. I want them to have fun, to really enjoy their childhood. I want to give them not only memories in their minds, but memories through photography, and my writings..

I want them to be close. Sisters who are best friends. I dream of them having conversations one day with each other complaining about their husbands, or sharing recipes. Calling each other at 3am for advice about something that really doesnt matter. Being there holding the others hand when they are having their first child. Standing next to them at the Alter holding their bouquet while they marry their prince charming...

Thank you God for giving me TWO daughters. Thank you for that amazing gift that you have given each of them, a sister. Thank you for teaching me to love with everything that I have, so that they may also learn how to love. Thank you for the opportunity to raise such sweet, perfect, beautiful little girls.

Monday, October 18, 2010

Weekly Meal Planning.. It begins again..

Monday: Healthy Chicken pot pies.. I found this recipe for single chicken pot pies, so i think it will be a good excuse to use my little dipper bakeware for rachael ray. these pot pies are approx 500 calories a piece, which is great for a full dinner meal.

Tuesday: Hamburger buddy.. I found this recipe on one of the recipes i get ideas for kids recipes on.. I want to recommend this to those of you with picky toddlers, my toddler loves it, and it is full of veggies, and only 326 calories per serving! not to mention, wes and I love it. I dont food process the veggies, i just chop them nice and small.


Wednesday: white chicken enchiladas... big time family favorite.. 628 calories per serving.. not bad, a little higher than we aim for, but ya gotta cheat once in a while :)

Thursday: Chicken on the grill, brown rice, broccoli

Friday: Hamburgers on the grill. I have been craving hamburgers since I had my surgery... I hope by Friday I am well enough to bite into a nice juicy big grilled hamburger!!!

Saturday: Potato/sausage skillet meal. This one is yummy and includes spinach. We dont like spinach much, but in this meal you dont even know its there. 530 calories per serving.

Sunday: Chili

As you can see, most of the meals planned are soft.. lol. Thats all I can eat. Hopefully by next weekend I'll be good as new!

Back to the drawing board.. part 2

Another positive thing that has come from my surgery is weight loss. Not my most recommended way of losing weight, but hey, whatever works i guess... I was at 167 before I had my surgery, I am now at 158. I was 153 lbs before I got pregnant with bryleigh, and have always been about 147 my whole life... I gained a few lbs before i got pregnant with bryleigh lol.

I am now more motivated than ever to lose that last 5 lbs. I can see the finish line, and oh man i want it so bad.

Here are my strategies:

Since the surgery, I have been weaned off of soda. All i drink is water, and the occasional gatorade, and 1 warm tea a night to help my throat. The tea is not caffeinated. So i plan to stick to these drinks. I like water now.. wierd. I figure in this way I will be saving at least several hundred calories per day.

We found a perfectly working exercise bike on the side of the road that someone was giving away. It has the time/calories burned/ etc. program on it too! I plan to start riding it 20 minutes when i wake up, during naptime, and before i go to bed. That will be an hour per day, which calculates to about 400/calories burned.

Lastly, I plan to start working on our meal choices better. I cook everynight, but sometimes what we have isnt as healthy as it could be. So back to the drawing board. Back to meal planning, and only buying the healthy stuff at the grocery store.

Well, wish me luck!

Back to the drawing board..

I had my tonsils and adenoids taken out on 10/7.... I am on day 11 and still in remarkable pain at times, and other times im okay. There is a spot behind my tongue that doesnt seem to be healing. Everytime i talk or swallow, the sore comes open again, shoots pain through my ears, and i have to hold my face/ears for at least 10 minutes curled up, trying hard not to scream in agony.

Anyways, thats the negative part..

The positive part- I have beeen able to rest, and sleep, a lot.

As most of you know, I had a really hard time with my mom the first year we were here. She has a pretty bad personality disorder, and the doctors were not able to find a good balance of meds to have her on. It was making her life really hard, and in turn, she was living at my house. So i had to take care of my babies and her. Anyways, it was rough.

Well, since she moved back the last time, back to virginia, she has landed a great job, gotten her own house, bought a car, and found the right doctors. Her meds are excellent, and she is doing so great. I cry to think how proud of her I am.

She flew down here the day before my surgery to help me the week after. She was such a huge help. Cooking, cleaning, taking care of the girls. Never complaining or upset that i wasnt able to spend much time with her, although i felt terrible that i couldnt see her as much as i wanted. I cried when i said goodbye to her. I didnt want her to see me cry, i just knew that I had my happy, healthy mom back, and it felt really good.

I am so thankful for all that she did while she was here. I could not have got through that week without her. I pray that these meds continue to work, and she continues to stay happy.