I make babies, whats your superpower?

Thursday, April 29, 2010

a year ago today

A year ago today my little girl turned 4 months old. She was smart, and beautiful, full of spunk and attitude. Everyone always said that once we got to 4 months, her colic would be gone, and that would be the funnest part of having a baby.

A year ago today my 4 month olds life changed drastically. The fact that my baby girl turned 4 months old that day, wasnt the biggest thing we had going on.

The semi truck came, the movers packed, we said our goodbyes, and off we went.

A year ago today we left for Missouri.

We left virginia much later than we wanted. It was 7pm before we pulled out of the driveway. Wes and i had to drive seperate cars, so i was driving alone. We drove throughout the night and got to nashville around 4 or 5 am. We spent 2 days in Nashville, and got back on the road heading for our new home, in Kansas City Missouri.

Today my daughter turned 16 months old. It has been a year since we left virginia. We still have a while to go until we can return, but this is a big milestone. We are one year closer to going home.

Although life here isnt as great as it is home, nothing is ever the same as home.. It is better than it was. I have become very picky about who i allow into our lives, to keep the drama out. I have shutout people that i would never imagine having to shutout, but we are happier that way. Life here isnt so awful anymore, and i hope it helps to make the remaining two years go by fast.

Happy 16 months old baby girl.

and 2 days ago, my precious Brooklynn turned 4 months old. But nothing drastic happened on that day... She spent her special day at Aunt cheyannes with her cousins.

Friday, April 23, 2010

on the menu

Well its Saturday.. well really, its 12:23 am... so friday just ended..

Im sitting here trying to convince myself that cooking texas toast right now at midnight just because im craving it would be a bad idea.. but it sounds so yummy... on that note alone, I am going to take a pregnancy test soon... Not because i think im pregnant. Just to put my mind at ease. I am on the mirena, sooo.... im supposed to be pretty in the clear when it comes to pregnancies for 5 years... but knowing me, i would be the one that gets pregnant on it. So i freak out over any sign at all.. cravings, no period, etc.. no period is caused by the mirena often.. so i guess i will freak out a lot.

ANYWAYS.. heres whats on the menu this week :)

Saturday- grilled salmon, broccoli, brown rice. I let wes choose what he wanted for Saturday.. since i usually pick the meals.. so i could go ahead and take it out of the freezer.. did i mention i am loving my new 20 dollar deep freezer...

Sunday- Sloppy Joes and waffle fries... This is also a wes favorite, but bryleigh and I like it too :)

Monday- Spaghetti and meatballs.. Mondays are typically wes' longest work days.. I dont try to make anything fancy on mondays.. no point.. probably going to either eat alone, or eat after 9pm... not that sloppy Joes are fancy, but you get the point

Tuesday- pork chops on the grill, white rice, green beans.. discovered the most delicious marinade for meats last week.. orange juice, lemon juice and some other various spices. Sounds wierd, orange juice on meats, but holy moly... Tried it on pork chops, chicken, and steaks, and we both agreed, it ended up being the best pork chops, chicken, and steaks we had ever had. Definitely using that marinade from now on.

Wednesday- pineapple sausage brats on the grill, carrots on the grill, onion rings

Thursday- Garlic chicken pasta.. its a yummy chicken, pasta, vegetables mix that is SOOOO good.

Friday- Fajitas

No going out to eat next week. We are saving money for our LA trip :) found out its 40/night JUST TO PARK!!! AH!

well, im gonna go preheat the toaster oven.. after writing my list, i especially have to have the texas toast. I usually NEVER snack. with breakfast lunch and dinner i rarely get hungry in between, so i guess it doesnt make me feel bad to indulge every once and a while... besides, 2 pregnancies down, and i only have about 11 lbs to be back to my original weight. I'm okay with that number 3 months after i had a baby.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Sleepy girl..

Okay i want some feedback moms out there...

Bryleigh has been in this rut.. maybe not a rut.. maybe its perfectly fine. I know with kids her age and younger there is a wide range of normal, but i feel like this is a bit excessive. Well.. my kid likes to sleep.. a lot. She rarely fusses when its night night time, and when she falls asleep, she sleeps, and sleeps, and sleeps. On an average night, she goes to bed at 9pm. We keep this late bedtime due to the fact that her daddy works 12 hour days, so if he is going to get to see her, it has to be after 8pm. Well she goes to bed at 9pm, and doesnt wake up until 11 on most days. 11!!!!!!! Somedays, it will be noon and finally i will go in there and wake her up. THATS 15 HOURS OF SLEEP!!!! 3 hours after she wakes up.. around 3 or so, she is ready for another nap. and that lasts 3 hours. MY CHILD IS SLEEPING 18 hours a day!!! thats nuts to me. She is developing right on track if not advanced according to me lol, shes smart, engages with us very well, eats well, etc.. I am concerned. I thought at first maybe it was a growth spurt, but its lasted a long time..

any opinions would be great :)

last time i talked to the pediatrician about this, she said "most other parents would be happy to have your "problem"." very sarcastically lol. im going to talk to her about it again next visit.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010


I feel like i just auditioned for American Idol... I'm standing there... i just sang my heart out.. I did my best..randy, simon, kara, and ellen all looking at me kinda funny because i cant carry a tune in a bucket.. and then i come back to reality, click submit, and its real.. im going to hollywood.... Wes and i are going to Los Angeles california for our anniversary. I cant believe it. I have dreamed my whole life of visiting california. We found a great deal for a whole package.. Hotel, plane, car.. Already booked, already paid for. I've got my golden ticket.. we will spend 4 days there... exploring.. Bryleigh and Brooke will stay with grandma, at our house for 3 of the days, then the 4th day they will spend that with their cousins. I have caught myself a couple times at random parts of the day just stopping whatever im doing, and getting kind of giddy like a small kid at christmas time thinking about whats coming up... 1 more thing to mark off my list of things to do in my life.

Today bryleigh did something that i thought was really cute. Something really small, but made me smile. Since brooklynn was born, bryleigh has done a great job acting like brooklynn does not exist. She wont look at her, wont get close to her, wont kiss her, etc... The most she has done is go up to her when she is crying and either try to force feed her some snacks, or tries to feed her some of her sippy cup... But today brooklynn was being very peaceful, just looking at her playgym mobile.. laying on the floor.. (i can safely put her there because bryleigh will not bother her 99% of the time).. but if it were that 1 percent, she is like 2 feet from me... Anyways, she was staring at her mobile, and she started to fuss a little.. So bryleigh kept looking at her.. kinda with a curious look.. she finally walked over to her, got down on her knees, put her face right above hers and said "Heyyyyyy" really sweetly.. Bryleigh is 1 so her conversation skills are lacking, so after Hey i guess she didnt know what to say next so she just stared at her smiling, and then walked away. I thought it was so sweet. I think Bryleigh is a very loving and sweet girl deep down.. sometimes my sweet girl turns into her alter ego, Rotten Bob... but thats a whole other story lol.

Well thats all for today :)

Sunday, April 18, 2010


man what a weekend. Friday and saturday night we were at the ER... hindsights 20/20, and we couldve POSSIBLY, very slight chance, couldve prevented last nights visit.. but.. like i said, hindsight is 20/20..

We took Bryleigh friday night to childrens mercy's ER, (her pediatrician sent us there)... We sat there for 3 hours while my child had a 104 fever without being seen. Someone was keeping Brooklynn other than grandma or aunt cheyanne, so i felt uncomfortable leaving her there for SO long, so i went and asked how much longer we had to go until it was our turn and there was still several people in front of us. My main concern was making her feel better, and i really thought it was the fever bug she gets all the time. The whole alternate the pain relievers routine, and she would be okay. So we left to get Brooklynn, decided to try that, and if she didnt improve to take her the next day. Well she improved, or i thought. Fever stayed around 100 all day, until night time. we gave her the meds, and the fever wouldnt break.. just continued to rise... so we went back.. this time to the hospital that we like.

As soon as we sat down in Triage bryleigh threw up all over my pants.. twice. it was everywhere. Her heart rate was in the 200's, and her fever was 104. Although she tried to tell us that her temp was only 100, because she was using an ear thermometer that never work when a toddler is moving all around.. so they toook it again rectally, because i told her to and it was 104. She was immediately given an IV because that was supposed to get her fever down. With meds in the IV. Iv finished, she was still miserable.. temp was STILL 104. They gave her something stronger and that finally broke the fever. She wanted to walk all throough the ER.. she was one of only 2 patients there. she was smiling, laughing, and telling all the doctors ALL DETTERGEN. my baby is so sweet. She had an ear infection, some sort of throat infection, and was vomitting.. not sure if she has the stomach virus for the 2897 time, or if she was vomitting from being so sick. dont know if that even makes sense. but in triage was the only time shes thrown up this time around.

Today has been great. She was only slightly fussy. wants to be held and cuddled, which i love because she is NOT a cuddle baby or a sit still child. she has just started really wanting to eat again tonight. Shes on amoxicillan and zofran, and tylenol and motrin for 48 hours.

wes and i are SOOOOO tired. we got home from the ER at 5 ,didnt fall asleep until 6 due to trying to make bryleigh more comfy.. brooklynn ofo course went to bed normal time, so she was ready to get up at 9. I did something that i never do, and i felt really guilty for it. When she woke up at 9, i fed her and put her in her swing so i could go back to sleep :( She didnt cry or anything, and im assuming went right back to sleep. Shes such a good baby. I know doing that this one time isnt going to be detrimental to her, it just made me feel bad. well, its 10, and im going to sleep so good tonight. goodnight, thankyou everyone for the prayers.

Saturday, April 17, 2010

fevers and new words

Bryleigh has been running a fever since yesterday. Yesterday it got to 104. We called her pediatrician, and the nurse said for us to take her to childrens mercy. Weve been through this what we call "fever bug" a few times since bryleigh has been born. She gets these crazy high temperatures, we go to the hospital or dr, and they say the same thing. Its viral, alternate motrin and tylenol every 4 hours. okay. seems to work. Usually it helps make her more comfortable. Maybe it is.. Its times like these i wish she was able to communicate better.. What hurts? Are you hot? are you cold? what can mommy do? I just want to make it all better. I rock her and love on her but she still whimpers every few minutes.. I know she is saying "mommy fix it", and i try so hard to make her feel like mommy wants so badly to fix it.

Anyways, her language has really taken off this week. I love the new phrases she says. Funny the things she catches on to. She now claps for herself and says "good girl" when she does something that SHE thinks is good.. Like throwing my keys in the trash...
When i give her medicine i always say "all better".. So the last few times i have given her medicine she says "All detter-gen" I dont know where the extra syllable comes from... But i know what shes saying. And by the way, this is her first 3 syllable phrase :) (All words that start with the letter B come out with the "D" sound right now... Bye bye is dye dye, ball sounds like doll.. but i must say, all dettergen is definitely my new favorite.

Monkey and bunny are her best friends. She goes everywhere with Monkey.. but 90 percent of the time she has Bunny too.. She is saying Monkey, and it sounds like un-KEE.. she really enunciates the KEY sound.. its funny. She has also added the word poopoo.. but im not quite so proud of that one lol.

Well thats all for the night. Everyone say a prayer for Bryleigh.. Mommy might not be able to completely fix it, and make her not sick anymore, but God can

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

looking up

in approximately 3 weeks we will have lived here in missouri for 1 year. It has been a very very long year, a very hard year, but things are starting to look up. Although last week was a very hard week due to illness, it was still an alright week.

Sunday i had my first softball game in a really long time. Wes' aunt and uncle asked me to play on their co-ed team. Wes played right center field and i started out playing third base. By the third inning i was moved to short stop and played there the rest of the 1st and the whole 2nd game. It makes me feel pretty good about myself to be playing short stop on a co-ed team. I made a few errors, but nothing i didnt expect after pretty much playing no sport in 2 years. All in all i had a blast, and am so excited to be playing again. I met some cool people too.

I have also been hanging out with my sister in law a lot lately. Life out here was so lonely feeling like i had no one. I mean of course i have wes, and he is wonderful, but he works really long hours so 95 percent of my time i was spending alone with the girls, not going anywhere. Well Cheyanne and I have been planning outings, park trips, shopping trips, garden work, etc, and that has really helped me to enjoy my days here, instead of dread them. Its amazing how much having one friend can help.

And finally school. I have found a school out here that accepts all my credits as not just electives, but actual core classes towards a degree in biblical counseling. (yay) I have only 39 credits to go for my bachelors, and they have accelerated 6 week courses, so i will easily be able to finish in the next two years. And then i plan on starting on my masters, and joining the military as an officer.

Friday we are going to a greenhouse i have been seeing commercials for on tv. I want to get some more starter plants for squash, strawberries, cucumbers and tomatoes.. might look at potatoes too.. garden is doing so good. im really proud of how it looks.

and as for the kiddos... the best part of my life.

brooklynn laughed out loud, like really laughed today. i had the same exact feeling i had when bryleigh laughed for the first time. it completely melted me. i think it is the sweetest sound in the world to hear a small baby laugh out loud. and i was able to hear both my babies laugh out loud for the first time, and daddy did too :) i was able to get him on the phone and lay the phone beside her so he could hear her. i love those moments. i finally got the recorder up to record her but she stopped!! im sure there is more giggles to come though!

Bryleigh added a new word to her vocabulary today. I hear people bragging about their childrens 30 word vocabs that are younger than bryleigh and i think that is nuts. Bryleigh (i dont think) has a 30 word vocabulary, but she sure is so smart. She is constantly picking up on things, and saying/doing things i had no idea she could do. Yesterday i had a candybar wrapper and i was joking and said here bryleigh take this to the trash, and sure enough, she went and threw it away. Wes and i made a huge deal of it, clapping and telling her what a good job she did. it was so sweet, she clapped for herself and did a small dance where she bounces up and down with her butt when shes excited. She knows where her eyes, hair, nose, and mouth are. her feet, and her fingers. she can count to three outloud, and also with her fingers. today she pointed at a banana and said "NA NA, NA NA" so i gave her a banana, and she was happy. she says thankyou when someone hands her something, and she says it clear enough for others to understand. she says all gone, and whats that. sorry for the long rant, she just makes me so proud to be a mother. they both do :)

Saturday, April 10, 2010


25.94 cents is how much i spent at the grocery store tonight. I did a great job. I planned my meals, found my coupons and deals, and went on my mission. The meal plan for the week is as follows:

Sunday- We will be at the Royals/Redsox baseball game and will be eating baseball food! Bryleigh will be having leftover chicken alfredo with brocolli, one of her favorites.

Monday- Stuffed shells. We are very picky about our ground beef. We only get 90/10 groundbeef because it has less fat content. I was able to find it on sale at Hy-vee for 5.97 for 3 lbs.. thats really really really good.. My stuffed shells include ground beef, different cheeses, onions, spinach, green peppers and a couple of other ingredients i throw in as i am cooking. Yes, we eat a lot of noodles in this house.

Tuesday- chicken legs, baby carrots, brown rice. i love chicken legs. i always try to create a different marinade for them and let them marinade over night before cooking them. We dont have them often, but they are definitely a family favorite because they are so cheap, and tastey

Wednesday- Shrimp kabobs on the grill. Shrimp, squash, broccoli, and whatever else i decide to throw on there. We will have this with a rice pilaf. I found a great 2 lb bag of shrimp at walmart for 10 bucks last week. Just had to get the veggies and the rice.

Thursday- stuffed chicken breasts on the grill. These will be stuffed with green peppers, mushrooms, monteray jack cheese, and wrapped in bacon. I've never tried these before. We already had the bacon, mushrooms and green peppers. So for this one i just picked up some chicken breasts. We will also have a salad with rasberry vinigarette dressing, and some mashed potatoes.

Friday- Hamburgers on the grill. Will use the remaining ground beef from the 90/10 groundbeef i found on sale. Corn on the cob on the grill with this and a pasta salad.

Saturday- buy one get one free at HY-VEE. Got a coupon for buy one pint of chinese food, get one free. num num :)

Well that rounds out the week.. So proud that i was able to get everything we need for the week for 25.94. Hopefully we can stick to this budget. It was fun actually going through the grocery store adding things up to make sure i didnt spend too much. Usually i just find whats on sale and throw it in the cart without caring what my total has really reached, just making sure i save money on buying the sale items. Well thats all for now.. time to work on my flower bed!

the challenge

So i saw on Teri Woolards blog a link to a blog called "30 dollar grocery challenge".. i looked around at that blog, and saw some deals and store specials linked.. Didnt do much more digging than the first page.. But i thought, and that sounded like something fun to do.. Wes and i are always looking for deals. We find stuff on sale, buy it while its on sale, and stock up on things we can use in the future while they are on sale. We love saving money.. I guess you could say its a hobby. We buy used, slightly damaged, etc on all of our house remodels. We buy in bulk and dont pay sales tax by going to the commissary when it comes to groceries. So i thought it would be a fun idea for us while planning out our meals for the week, try to see if we can live under 30 dollars worth of groceries for the month. Obviously that doesnt include brooklynns formula, but everything else. I am excited about this. Maybe this is something we could strive for each week. That would be a lot of money saved.
I will be typing up a blog entry later on the meals we decided on for the week, the coupons i was able to find, and how much total we ended up spending.

I'm excited. Thanks for the idea teri's link!

Thursday, April 8, 2010

what a week

I have missed my girls SO much this week. And i think they have missed me too ;) I told Bryleigh tonight that tomorrow everything starts to go back to normal. Maybe she understood a little. who knows. She seems happy though. I think shes had a good time at her cousins house, even if she hasnt learned how to play WITH someone yet. She still plays "beside" people. lol.

Anyways, tonight was the first night all week that i went in a different room of our house while at home. I have literally stayed in the bedroom in my bed when i wasnt at the hospital. Tonight i was able to take a bath, and sit in the living room and play with bryleigh for a while. It was nice. It was hard putting her to bed tonight. I just wanted to let her stay up so i could spend time with her. But i know that sleep is important for her, and tomorrow will be a new day for us. She has a surprise in the back yard for whenever we actually get to venture out there. Mommy found her a sandbox on craigslist for 10 bucks, one of the turtle ones that has the lid... I think shes gonna love it :)

Well, thanks again everyone for all the prayers and words of encouragement, help with my kids, phone calls, and thoughts. It's been quite the week, but i made it, with the help of a lot of people.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010


I'm not getting very good feedback on my blog. I'm not really sure if i even have people reading my blog lol. oh well. its a good memory keeper!

Today was another hard one. I know thats normal with what i have and to be expected, but today was harder than it shouldve been. I found out that all my pain is NOT normal. They told me at the hospital today that i probably have a leak in my cerebrospinal fluid because it didnt seal correctly. So i got a whole bunch of meds and if the "front headache" , (i have two headaches, one in the front, and one in the back) well if the front headache returns, then i have to get a spinal patch. Which means they have to go back in my spine, and clot it with my own blood. ugh. yucky. Well anyways, needless to say, i left the hospital, and the front headache came right back. pretty much immediately. im so hoping it just goes away, but the dr was pretty sure id need the spinal patch. but she assured me id be much better almost instantly. that brings me peace of mind.

I love my family. I have missed my kids terribly. I had my break, i wanted a break, but i didnt want this big of a break. i wanted like, a nap at most. lol. i have been hugging bryleigh every chance i get i have missed her so much.. one more day probably, and i will be back with her every minute again. her and my precious brooklynn.

better sleep

I woke up so many times last night confused, talking, jumping, shaking, etc. But you have to fall asleep to keep waking up, so im happy. I slept off and on the entire night, so thats a large improvement. I kept kind of seeing things in my half awake/half asleep state, and i know thats cause of the all the meds. Wes says i told him i saw a squirrel once lol. who knows. I sure hope today is a better day!!! I think it will be.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

i have to get better because.....

This weekend i have a lot of plans. I am excited about my weekend.. and i will get better by then... I am the little engine that can...

So friday, or Saturday there is a huge kids consignment sale setting up in kansas city. Its outside on a soccer field, and me and cheyanne are pretty excited about it. I love those sales. Everyone comes together and sells their used/slightly used and sometimes even new stuff for pretty good prices. And then on the last day of the sale everything is marked half off. So we are going hopefully Friday, depending on how i feel.. and if i see stuff that i really want that will be marked down on sunday, cheyanne is going back that day and ill send her with money so she can grab it for me :) My day sunday is packed, so i wont be able to go that day. As a matter of fact, she will have Bryleigh for a couple hours.

Sunday is supposed to be a really really exciting day. At 1pm the redsox are playing the royals. and i have 4th row seats. 4th row seats, right beside the redsox's dugout. I am a yankees fan through and through, but the redsox have some great players, and i am a baseball fan. All of baseball. The good players are the good players, and i love seeing the good players play :)

Sunday night is our first church softball games of the season. Its going to take a lot for me to be up to playing, but the doctor told me i should be fully recovered in a week from when it started, which was last sunday. So if i am better, i will play. I will obviously not put full effort in, but if im better i will play. games are at 8 and 9. im pretty stoked.

I am feeling a little better if you cant tell. Wes brought home my tylenol 3, and i believe he upped the dose because he wrote it for me to only take 1 every 6 hours, as opposed to 2 lortabs. But the lortabs were only 5mg, the tylenol 3's i believe are stronger. It kicked in pretty soon after i took it, temp went all the way back down to 98.5, and im only in slight pain. So im pretty happy. I even got to eat a little dinner. Now im just waiting for the initial "hyper" to go away. For some reason pain killers give me a load of energy when i first take them. maybe thats normal?

Well i have only slept 5 hours in the last 3 days. I am exhausted so i really am hoping for good sleep tonight.

Thanks again everyone for all the prayers. It means a lot to know people care about little old me.

What a day... very long post.

I have a chance to update.. so I'm going to do it.

Its 5 am and i cant sleep. I guess most of you that read this also read my facebook.. but id like to type out all the events leading up to this morning.. I feel like there are some things i learned on my journey the last 48 hours that i think can maybe ease peoples mind if they ever go through the same thing.

It all started Sunday, on Easter. The day was going great. Other than the fact that i accidentally bought thigh meat instead of breast meat for the fajitas, everything tasted wonderful. (I dont like thigh chicken meat and either does Wes) oops. I guess that should have been the least of my worries given what was to come. It was so much fun having family over at my house to celebrate Jesus rising from the dead for our sins. The girls Jolie and Bryleigh went on an egg hunt. I am lucky enough the have a Brother and Sister-in-law out here that have girls almost the exact same ages as my girls. Jolie is 18 months, bryleigh is 15 months. Brooklynn is 3 months, and i believe Nova will be 2 months in a couple of days. Boy did we sure plan that one good! lol. The egg hunt was so cute. The girls did a great job collecting all their eggs and putting them in their baskets. I tried to get candies and small toys that would be fun to hold and play with. Bryleigh loves bracelets and rings and stuff, and Jolie i believe does too so i tried to get some fun "pretties" for them to wear. Along with candies of course! It was a great day.

Sunday evening i was sitting on the couch talking with Wes' mom because she stayed late to hang out. I started noticing that i just wasnt feeling "right"... I kept feeling my head thinking that maybe i felt warm, but wasnt too concerned because i never get fevers. Around 6 i went to lay down and by 7 i was in excrutiating pain. I took my temp and it was 102.2.. Really odd for me. I get strept throat pretty consistently once a year so i was thinking maybe that was it. My throat didnt hurt so i checked my body for any sort of rash. Some years i get the Strep rash instead of Strep throat, but not usually a high fever. My fever never goes about 100.5 because its normally low 97.0 to start. The headache hit around 7:30 and by 8pm my temp was at 103.5. by 9 it reached 104 and i finally took some medicine. The headache was in the back bottom of my head, and my neck hurt so bad. Oh the pain in my neck was so excrutiating. I felt like somebody put a brace around my neck and wouldnt let me move it to ease the pain. It was stiff, and it hurt. I started alternating Tylenol and Ibuprofen every 4 hours and my fever would not go below 101.5. Although i felt much better at 101.5 than i did at 104. I had a very hard night and the next morning i woke up and it was back up to 103. I sat up to drink some water and went into a febrile seizure. As soon as i came back around from that i was laying face down in vomit all over our bed. Yucky. Thats the point Wes decided to stay home from work. He told his superior at work what was going on and i was still refusing to go to the doctor. Luckily his superior told him that either i go to the doctor or he come to work. He was saying this to ultimatem me into going to the dr, not to be mean. I agreed to go to an Urgent care not having a clue what was wrong with me. And really, I know these symptoms, but i was way too out of it to put them together. My sister in law agreed to watch the kids for me while we went to the local Urgent care that Tri-care (our military insurance) sent us to.

Once we arrived at Urgent care the doctor came out and immediately sent me over to the emergency room. He wanted me to go by ambulance, still not saying what he thought i had i assume out of fear of scaring me.. Wes insisted on driving me, which i rathered. I mean other than the awful headache and neckpain, i could walk, i was aware of what was going on, and i wasnt nearly as confused or disoriented as the morning. I felt fine compared to first thing in the morning and the night before.

When we got to the ER they took us back right away. They put a mask over me and thats when i started to get scared. Blood work was done immediately, within the first 5 minutes of being at the hospital. My temp went down a little, and was at 102.4. at the urgent care, the nurse took my temp with one of the plastic disposable strips and tried to say it was only 99 the doctor at the ER told me that those are very inaccurate and theres no way my temp got that low a few minutes before that lol. I agreed because we have an ear thermometer that is really accurate and it was saying 102.5, so the 99 was really suprising to me!!

The nurse came in to tell me that they think i have meningitis. She explained to me that there is a Bacteria Meningitis, and a Viral meningitis. The bacterial form is the very bad one. She said if i had that, my children would have to be tested, along with whoever they have been around. I immediately started to cry. I was the least bit concerned for myself. My precious children, and precious nieces might have this because of me. I have never felt more helpless in my life. I texted Cheyanne my sister in law to ask her to check them for fevers, she said they didnt feel warm at all, so for the time being i was slightly at ease. Wes' temperature was consistently checked and it never went above 98.

I got sent for a catscan because they wanted to rule out an anurism, or anything else on my brain that could be causing this. When the cat scan started, it hit me. Could this be it for me? If i have the bacterial meningitis i could die. I could go deaf, or blind, or any other really bad things could happen to me. I immediately started to pray for my family. I cried so hard in that catscan. I prayed that God would help Wes take care of my children if something happens to me. I was so scared. On top of that, i was so scared for my babies. This could not be happening. I was scared that if i have this, not only was it me that it would affect, it was everyone i was around. I was scared that my children would have to undergo all this medical testing, and have a hospital stay. I was scared that my baby nieces would have to get tested. I worried for everyone. The military pays 100 percent of our hospital/medical bills, but not everyone elses insurance pays that much. I was worried about all the copays that this would cost everyone, and about what illnesses can potentially come from this. This was i believe the scariest moment for me.

Cat scan looked great. Thank God. and btw, i actually have a brain, its official :)

After the catscan i had a very thorough physical exam in which i had every single physical marker there is for meningitis. They were very certain this is what it was. I couldnt lift my next to touch my chest without my neck getting so tight and causing EXTREME central back of the neck/bottom back of the head pain. When i lift my legs it elicited an immediate response of pain in the same area in the neck. That is when i finally got my pain meds. So thankful for pain meds!!! I call the pain meds they gave me "insta-drunk". I was trying to tell the nurse something when they kicked in, and then she started bouncing up and down because i couldnt see straight. They gave me benadryl, motrin, phenyl which is a pain med, another pain med, steroids, antibiotics, iv fluids, and potassium pills. My potassium levels were really low and my white blood count was at 15, which is a sign of infection. The other pain med they gave me i cannot remember the name, but the nurse told me it was the strongest stuff they have, since i am HIGHLY allergic to morphine. And yes, it was SO strong. It was so strong that it went in through the IV, and immediately BURNED in my throat. burned bad.

The doctor came back in and told me i was going to have a spinal tap. Time number 3 that i started to cry. I was really upset about that. I had heard really bad things about spinal taps and how bad they hurt. I called my mom really upset and she said something that really helped me a lot. I am getting this spinal tap, so that my babies dont have to. If i get this spinal tap, and i do have it, everyone will be treated with an antibiotic immediately. I would be the only person that would have to be given the spinal tap. So when i looked at it that way, the spinal tap wasnt as scary, it was just necessary. I had to get in position like i was getting an epidural. Wes came over and held my hands really tight. I didnt want to move at all because i always fear getting paralysis or something from it. They gave me the local anestesia in my back, and then drew the spinal fluid. It was a piece of cake. I'm not going to lie, it hurt.. but it didnt HURT. The headache, the neckache, was far worse. It was pretty much a bee sting, and im glad i was able to calm down enough to be brave and get it. I am thankful for my moms words, making the procedure much easier to get. No matter what you have been through with your mom, they are still the person that you want when you are going through things like this.

Immediately we knew that it wasnt bacterial. I was so relieved. I think i cried again. he said if it was bacterial, 9 times out of 10 the spinal fluid wouldnt have been clear. That was the point that i let my sister in law know what they thought it was. I didnt want to tell her at first, because i didnt want her to worry unnecessarily if it wasnt that. We rested in the room for the next 45 minutes and the two doctors that had been working on me and my nurse came back in the room. The chief resident came in with them and told me the blood work had every indication of meningitis, but the spinal fluid came back negative for it. Since i had every physical marker for it, they are still diagnosing me with Viral meningitis. I was released a few hours later, with instructions to come back immediately if my fever gets high again, or if my headaches get unbarable again, and then i will be admitted to go through the illness in the hospital. (I wanted to go home).

Cheyanne will have the girls for the next 3 days, and wes will pick them up after work. We will see how i feel Friday, but i am sure i will be feeling much better by then.

All in all i want to say that as crazy as it sounds, i can see the positive in all of this big time. I have been go go go sincei had brooklynn, and my body has become so exhausted phsycally and emotionally. I feel like maybe this is God's way of forcing me to take a break. a much needed break.

I realize that meningitis is pretty rare, but if you or anyone you know ever have these symptoms- high fever, EXTREMELY bad headache in the back of the head, and neck, please go to the emergency room right away. It is nothing to sit around and wait with. The headache may even circle around to the front. The spinal tap is nothing if you have had an epidural. It is no worse. To me it was even better because you arent having a contraction while they are giving it.

and finally, i would like for everyone to say a prayer. I want everyone to thank God for the fact that it was not the bacterial kind. And that four babies that i love were not put at risk for this.

Saturday, April 3, 2010

Sweet Escape

I am starting to play on a softball team next weekend. Those who know me know that this will definitely help me enjoy my time here more. Softball was my first love. Growing up it used to be my escape from life. Life wasnt always easy for my brother and I growing up, so I am so thankful that my mom was able to put us in sports during that time. I dont think at the time she realized what a great thing she was doing for us. During that time it helped us get away from everything, it helped us build lasting relationships with others, and it provided us with some of the best memories i think both of us have. It's a great feeling knowing that you are actually good at something. It helped me, who was an extremely insecure kid gain security and confidence in myself. I really hope that my children have an interest in sports like we did. They dont have to be the best, although in my eyes im sure they will be, but i hope they at least want to play. I hope they can get as much out of it as my brother and I did. But if they wanna play the trombone in the marching band and never want to touch a ball, i will still be a proud mother.
Anyways, I hope i do alright on this team. Softball is probably the only thing in the world that i have a whole lot of confidence in. BUT i have had two children in the last 15 months so i am a tad out of shape.....just a tad. lol.

Friday, April 2, 2010

April Fools day equals babies

April fools days have become kinda a joke at our house.. I guess thats what they are.. jokes.. Well in our case april fools day for the last two years brought about something other than a big joke. 2 years ago, April 1st 2008.. i remember it very clearly.. I was sitting there in a training meeting at the corporate office for dollar tree. I loved my job, i loved everything i had going for me. I was the youngest person in the huge company, money was great.. life was just fun. In my training meeting, i started to get bored.. Wes and i wouldl email back and forth while i was at work. We werent married, just kind of dating. We were more like best friends who went on dates i guess? We never really established our relationship.. Just werent with anyone else I guess. I loved him. I wouldnt say I loved him nearly as much as now, but i loved him. We had been best friends for 4 years. Inseperable to say the least when his ship wasnt out to sea. Anyways, i decided to play a little trick on him.. I emailed him telling him i was pregnant. He was very positive and nice about it.. I was shocked that he bought it. He told me later that he was standing in the line to get lunch and realized it was april fools day.. I laughed.. and that was that. .. Four weeks later, i found out i was four weeks pregnant. Clearly not a good april fools day joke. However, the best gift I have ever been given. The day i found out i was pregnant with Bryleigh it was a sunday. I went to the dollar tree to get paper plates for some random reason i dont remember, and i saw pregnancy tests. I thought how odd it was that they sold pregnancy tests for only a dollar, and thought it would be a fun expirement to take one. Knowing that i was not pregnant, i peed on the stick and didnt even look at it for an hour or so.. I actually forgot i even took the test and got side tracked doing something else. What a shocker when i saw those two lines. I just figured it was a cheap test so it wasnt real. I called wes, he laughed and we went and bought more tests. 7 positive tests later.. and we started to get the point. We decided that day to get married. It wasnt really a question. We were best friends, we enjoyed each others company, so we decided that would be the best option for us. We planned our wedding for about 4 weeks from that day. We spent those 4 weeks really falling in love with each other. We already had a great bond of being such great friends, so the marriage really came easy to us. We took lots of trips and spent a ton of time together up until the time Bryleigh was born. I am so thankful for that time. During that time we became so close.. not only as best friends but as husband and wife. We loved each other so much and i felt like the luckiest woman in the world. When Bryleigh was born, i would look at her and cry with happiness. I would tell her how thankful i was for her, for what she gave me. Still to this day i look at her and hold her and think about how that little girl saved my life..

The next year was a little different. I jokingly told wes i was pregnant again on april 1st of 2009.. i told him that in an obvious joking way and we both laughed. May 14th I went to the doctor for pain in my lower abdomen. I get cysts or USED TO pre-bryleigh get cysts pretty often. I have even had surgery on one cyst that ruptured, so i just figured i had another cyst. We did a pregnancy test to make sure i wasnt pregnant, just incase, and it was negative. Had an ultrasound and couldnt see a cyst. Did blood work and then i was on my way. The very next day i had my wisdom teeth removed, and before that i went to the amusement park and we got to ride some rollercoasters. The nurse called that afternoon to tell me my blood work came back and i was pregnant again. UGH!!! what a funny day that was. Wes laughed again, and now we have baby Brooklynn Mackynzie. Im not sure there is a more calm, content, sweet baby.

Anyways, thats my big long april fools day story... Needless to say, this year there was NO mention of a baby on april fools day. None at all. I have the mirena so if i get pregnant on this thing then well God wants me to be the next Michelle Duggar.

Thursday, April 1, 2010

dirty toes

today was a big day.. I woke up this morning to see the sun shining, and it wasnt one of those days.. it wasnt one of those days where your alarm clock is going off (we will call this alarm clock Brooklynn), and you feel the strong temptation to push the snooze button on brooklynn.. too bad babies dont come with a snooze button.. now theres an idea i should patent. Anyways, i got up quick in a very positive upbeat mood.. i was a woman on a mission. Today was the day we would start planting in my garden. My sister in law and my nieces came over today to help me, and it was a very successful day. I got my first raised bed planted. It is full of broccoli and lettuce. Tomorrow i will plant another bed full of herbs and onions. We will have a total of 6 raised beds when all is said and done. We will also have several upside down tomato plants, a rasberry and grape trellis, and other various things planted. I am so excited to see what comes from all of this hard work. My finger nails have dirt in them, my toes are dirty and i got mud spots all on my face.. my battle scars from today!! im proud.. im very proud..