on the outside

Do you ever feel like you are on the outside looking in? Thats how i have felt the whole time we have lived out here....

I have friends at home. I have great friends. I have several friendships that i have had since i was a baby. I have one great best friend that i have been BEST friends with since we were in diapers. I have several other very close friends that i grew up with. I have friends from college years, and friends from post college. back home.

I have family at home. I have a great family at home. I have that kind of family at home that it doesnt matter what youve done, or who you are, you are loved and accepted. I have a family that includes everyone, and that is there for each other no matter what.

I am a part of these two "groups".. I am a member of these friendships, and of that family. I am not the "new kid" trying to find my place, trying to fit in, in those groups. I hate feeling like the new kid. I am no good at being the new kid. I am a very extroverted person when it comes to a lot of situations. But when it comes to meeting new people, i am extremely introverted. When it comes to getting to know new people, i am no good. Especially when it is a group of people, and me. I feel like the odd man out, even if im not.

Wes has a hard time understanding this. He has these friends here, these few girls that he grew up with that he wants me to become friends with. He gives me their phone numbers and expects me to just call them up and say Hi im wes' wife wanna hang out? Well i cant do that, i wont do that. I'm just not that kind of person. I guess i could go to one of those Mommy and me groups, but here we go again, thats a group of people that probably all already know each other, and im back to square one anyways, with being the new kid.

Anyways, for all these things there is no one to blame but me. I complain a lot about not having anyone out here, but i tend to make it that way. My shyness and insecurities i guess. I guess i'll just always be on the outside out here.. At least i have a little group that i do belong to, with my girls :)