I am having a hard time tonight. A really hard time.
I am very outspoken. If something is bothering me, i have no problem getting it out. I am very outspoken to a fault. Something that i express often is how much i dislike being here. It is not any person that makes me dislike it here. It is simply the things that i dont have here that makes me dislike it so much.
I am so so tired. I am so tired and i feel like i have no where to turn. I have no options when it comes to a break. I am a mother of two very small children. Two beautiful, smart, sweet little girls that i am so proud to call mine. I am not complaining about all the wonderful time that i get to spend with my kids. They are and will always be the best part of my day. But like i said, I am so tired. Wes' job requires a lot of really long days. Most of his days are really long days. He gets up before Bryleigh, and gets home after her bedtime on most days. If i dont want to eat dinner alone, i have to wait until 9 pm to eat, which is fine i guess, just later than what is ideal. By the time he gets home i am exhausted. A 15 month old and a 3 month old really is a challenge. I read lots of blogs, and lots of peoples status updates about how their kids are with grandma, grandpa, auntie so and so, etc. and these things make me jealous. I hate to admit that, but its true. The one person out here that does see them works a massive amount of hours and its really hard for her to be able to see them. So i feel like i have no where to turn. Sure wes is home on the weekends when he doesnt have to work saturdays, and that is such cherished time. I feel like i blink and the weekend is over. I dont have people here that i know well enough to ask for help.
and i need help sometimes.
I guess i am focusing too much on the things that i dont have.. What i do have is my girls. I have my husband and my girls. and the world wide web to vent to. thank goodness for those things.
Anyways, i dont know where im going with this. I'm a horrible blogger. i just say what im thinking. this is what im thinking, and now im too upset to type more so im going to bed lol.