I am having a huge internal struggle on if i want to return to work or not. From an outside view, many people say "well if you are able to stay home with your kids, you should"... and i can see their point, big time. I love my girls so much. Every giggle, every smile, all of it lights up my life. I get sad at the thought of missing anything. Bryleigh has become one of the smartest children i have ever met, and i think it has a lot to do with all the one on one attention she gets from me staying home. She is 14 months old today, and she has been saying complete phrases since she was 11 months old. She says "whats that" (wassat), all gone, all done, get down, hi daddy, and many other words already. She has already pee peed in the potty a few times, and KNOWS that is what she is supposed to do. She is just an all around happy baby, and everytime we go out i get at least one compliment on what a huge personality she has because she wants to talk and wave and laugh at everyone she sees. I cant go to the mall without bryleigh saying "hi da da" to every man she sees. EMBARASSING!!! lol. Brooklynn is a very happy baby. and if i go back to work i know i will miss so many of her milestones.. Rolling over, her first word.. i am not guaranteed to be able to witness those things working all week. All of these things seem to make this an easy decision, but they dont.
If i go back to work, that will be extra income coming in to be able to put away for the girls college. We want to buy another house when we move in 2 years, so we would be able to save a nice down payment for that also. Another thing is, i have zero friends out here. I get really stressed out because i stay cooped up in the house all the time and i feel so lonely. I know i have my husband, and he is wonderful, but sometimes you just need your friends ya know.. I guess that is a selfish thought, wanting friends and people to be able to get out of the house with. i dont know. I just feel like if i had a job i would be able to get out of the house sometimes, and meet some people easier.
I am a lot happier lately with going to the gym 4 times a week. I was extremely depressed (i hate that word) for a while because everything going on with my mom was definitely making post partum depression come out really bad. i have been able to really distance myself from that situation, and it has helped a lot also.. But thats a whole other blog entry that will have to come another time when im ready to talk about all of that. Anyways, well bryleigh is awake, I can hear her talking in the monitor so it sounds like shes ready for me to get her up :)